…and here’s the deal, London stinks. Not metaphorically, not in an analogous sense. It genuinely smells. Smells bad.
I leave my house at 5:30am and am almost immediately confronted with some kind of food waste wagon that carries an aroma not too dissimilar to both rotting vegetables and consciences.
Less than half a mile further I am greeted with that wonderful pungency of dog excrement, although I suspect it isn’t dog. Possibly something restricted to two legs, at least during the hours of daylight.
It’s bad gentle viewers, I mean bordering on stomach churning bad. Fortunately my trusty steed takes me away in record time until…
More crap; this time general London commuter shit. Did you know that London commuters smell before they’ve even entered the office? Cars, buses, BO from red-light running cyclists (not me I hasten to add). It’s awful and it’s here to stay. Ladies, gentlemen, small strange beings from Alpha Centuri: please shower before leaving the house. This city is ripe enough without you adding to it.
The city indeed stinks, in fact, the communter-run is an olfactory version of Logan’s own challenge, and in the instance of some public transport passengers, are the unwashed agents of his intended demise.
It should be made law that pollution of another’s primary senses, and as other mitigating factors such as appearance and the like should also be considered, prior to sentencing to 10 miles of hard labour.
But the crime of ‘au naturelle’ is only one side of the coin.
The polar opposite is the individual who habitually transforms themselves into a mobile industrial chemistry lab. You know the ones; Daft enough to believe that whilst one discreet spray of Lynx will earn you an admiring glance of a passing female, therefore, applying the entire canister’s contents will make said female’s garments evaporate faster than a cabbie’s composure when handed a fare in 10p coins.
It’s become enough to make this indvidual get off thier feet and learn to drive. Who cares if it adds to the effect of global warming and therefore hotter, riper, shittier cities, at least I can retain my sanity, and feel free to stink in my own hermetically sealed cabin.